TalesFromTheBadge.com

So Sayeth The Cop

And, I believe him on penalty of … no shopping.

The following stories are all times of great peril. Please read with caution, as even being this close to someone who is always right can be hazardous to your health. I’m married to him, but I take lots of supplements, just for added protection.

Once upon a time, (all good stories begin that way and this is a good story) on a dark and stormy night, a dangerous drug case came to a close. All men in uniform escaped with their lives. Barely.

For weeks, comings and goings had been studied at a particular location by the men in blue. Copious notes taken by dedicated policemen tracked wicked and evil men and women who frequented this mobile home. Soon, the address was passed on to the next team. The TAKE DOWN team. My husband was honored to be in charge.

Carefully, they plotted their drug bust. They rehearsed the steps:

1. Adam and Ben (all names changed to protect the whatever) would watch the front door and radio the code word “front ready” when the coast was clear.

2. Ted and Bob would cover the back door and radio the code word “back ready” when the coast was clear. (See how good they are?)

3. My Lynn and his faithful assistant, Ralph, after years of practice, would crawl under the house and cut the plumbing so when Adam and Ben, and Ted and Bob made the move to burst through the appropriate door assigned to them, and the very bad and dangerous drug dealers tried to flush their product down the sewer it would land on the ground instead of going down the drain. (See, they ARE good, aren’t they?)

4. On your mark, Get Ready, Get Set, GO! Adam and Ben yelled “Police!” and kicked in the front door. Ted and Bob yelled “POLICE!” and kicked in the back door. Lynn and his faithful assistant Ralph yelled “Now!” and whacked the sewer pipe under the mobile home.

Adam and Ben and Ted and Bob came running out the front door at the same time and yelled to Lynn to crawl out from under the trailer. He crawled. Adam whispered “The guy in the house is 80 if he’s a day.”

Lynn stared. Ralph stuck his head out from under the trailer and stared. Partners work very good together.

Lynn quietly radio’ed in to the station for a confirmation on the location.

When the reply came of 1 0 3 9 Anywhere Street, they all stared. Slowly turning to the front door where the number on the trailer was visible, they read in unison 1 0 9 3.

The confused old man came to the front door “Hey, Mr. PoliceMan! What’s going on?”

Lynn, being in charge, said “Sir, we wanted to advise you that you have a plumbing leak under your trailer, and you’re going to need to get that seen about pretty quick.”

Lynn and Ralph, Adam and Ben, Ted and Bob quickly pointed to the area beneath the trailer house and said, “uh, yeah, that’s a real hazard, you get that fixed now…and your back and front door are not very secure either.” Being very skilled in entering and exiting, they all piled into their 3 police cars and drove away at a rapid speed.

You’ll be happy to know, the caring police officers showed up the next day to secure the weak front and back door for the old man and even brought a plumber. They are always ready to help the elderly.

The real culprits were later detained which led to a much larger dope case being solved where all received due time for the crime. Another happy ending due to great investigative work by my man and HIS men.

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Once upon a time, on another dark and stormy night, a police officer named Dave stopped the driver of a car for a traffic violation. As he approached, the car sped off down the street. Dave followed in hot pursuit. Up and down the streets they went, Dave calling in for back up, the traffic violator speeding through town. Soon, they were heading to the country. Dave, the cop, had all he could do to keep the car in sight as it went over and down the hills of the dark twisting roads. Finally, he glimpsed the glint of metal in the nano second of moonlight and yanked the car left down a dirt road. He HAD his man!

Policeman Dave, did not know what road he was on. The suspect had jerked his car over to the side, jumped out of it and was moving fast on foot. Where were they?? Dave could not radio his location. Did he follow policy and turn around to go back to town? No. Dave-the-brave pulled up quickly and jumped out of the car, running after the big bad suspect who was likely guilty of something horrid. Closer and closer he came to the man who ran.

Suddenly, the man who ran stopped. Dave collided into him and down they went. Uh - O. Dave was alone in the dark, at the corner of “Know and Don’t Know,” wrestling with a man who turned out to be tough. Tough enough to grab for the cop’s holster.

Now, Dave is alone on an unknown country road, with no back up, and losing the battle with the traffic violator. He heard the police dispatcher calling for his location. Panic gave him energy and he fought harder to keep the side of his body with the gun holster buried in the dirt. They rolled and rolled further away from the police car. The suspect had a hold on the gun that was still in the holster and somehow began to squeeze off shots. Bam! Bam! Bam! Dave’s leg burned from the gun bursts as if it were on fire! Was he going to die? Gun in hand, the suspect stood up, pulling the trigger one more time. Click.

The gun was empty. Dave swung at the man’s legs and realized he couldn’t see very well. Something sticky was in his eyes. Blood, dirt, and gun powder filled his nostrils. The suspect melted into the darkness, dropping the empty gun. Sirens pierced the thickness of fear. Dave began to crawl back to the police car, breathing the air that told him “I’m alive, I’m alive.” Within a few minutes, Lynn and another officer pulled onto the road, spotting Dave by his car.

Not feeling the blows as they happened, Dave had been pistol whipped with his own gun, and nearly shot. Though bruised and bleeding, he only required a few stitches and a few days off to get over the trauma.

In case you become a cop, and stop someone in a traffic violation, and they decide to run, and it’s a dark and stormy night, and you’re alone and don’t know where you are…don’t get out of the car. Wait for backup! So sayeth the Manual for a very good reason. You could be shot.

Conclusion: The man was apprehended by being traced through his car and did have warrants for his arrest for “ASSAULT.” He now had a more current charge of the same.

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Another story follows the path of a bullet. When firing a gun, it’s good to aim at your target, and then actually hit your target, instead of a piece of metal. Bullets have been known to bounce. One highly skilled sharpshooter was at the firing range with other officers of whom Lynn was one. He was not this shooter. I’m being truthful now. There are many things of which he is never wrong about, but this was not one of them. However, he did witness this incident and so I know it’s the truth.

The afore mentioned highly skilled sharpshooter took a quick aim, and anxious to show off his expert skills, fired the weapon at the bulls eye.

Somehow, his arm moved, and the shot went wildly to the left, hitting a metal trim and bounced back, hitting the officer square on the forehead, right between the eyes. I KID YOU, NOT.

The 357 magnum bullet pierced and lodged in the flesh, not causing great harm, but did create a measure of pain. The officer was known from that day forward as “Ricochet.” For some reason, he seemed embarassed but glad to be alive. I guess he forgot the “Ready, Aim, Fire!” part of target practice.

Ricochet did not quit the force, but was more than pleased to present the “Top Shingle Shooter Award” to my husband just a few years later. Read all about it. Cops are good with guns.

The moral of these stories, of which I have many more, is: If you marry a cop, remember he is ALWAYS right.

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I first published this article on HubPages.com.